87% of people are retards. Official, undisputable, scientific fact.

Tory MP Patrick Mercer's proposal for a 'Tony Martin Law', allowing householders to blast the shit out of unarmed burglars with shotguns, has been rejected by the Home Secretary.

Good.

(For those who support Tony Martin, he is a mentally unstable man, not allowed to own firearms, with an illegal and unlicenced pump-action shotgun, who shot a pair of unarmed burglars, from ambush, as they tried to flee. For a sane person, that is not home defence, it is murder. He had defended his home, having made them run away, and then decided to go the extra mile and rip another human being to shreds with a spray of red hot lead. And let's not forget the array of booby traps set up across his property, that the police had to disarm before they could go near the place. The Daily Mail championed this guy as a hero of the people...)

From the BBC:
Mr Mercer said he was extremely disappointed by the news but said he would continue to try to get his bill passed, especially as several police officers had supported the move.

He pointed to a survey for Virgin Money Insurance which suggested that 87% of people think current law on the issue is weighted in favour of criminals.

"This is public opinion, this is democracy, I'm amazed the home secretary is choosing to ignore this," said Mr Mercer, claiming Labour was treating his bill as a political football.


Let me think, 87% of people think current law is weighted in favour of criminals...

What the fuck does that mean? It means nothing.

The important word is 'thinks'. This is the public we're talking about. Let's take a poll of judges, lawyers and other people who actually know what the current law is and who aren't just piping out of their arse.

For those of you who don't know, the law allows 'reasonable force' to be used. This is the same guideline that covers assaults or killings in self-defence, and so on. It's rare for anyone to kill a burglar, rarer still for them to be charged with murder (and if the decision's taken to charge, that's because, well, they're believed to have murdered the burglar - see, due process in action, and if the decision was wrong, you get a not guilty verdict). You can tell when something's reasonable or unreasonable, but you sure as fuck can't legislate it. That's why you can't give carte blanche to householders.

And 'several' police officers support the change in the law? So what? What the fuck does a bobby know? Remember that the police go to the Crown Prosecution Service when they're deciding if someone should be charged with something. The police weren't good enough, which is why the CPS were set up (plus, separating evidence-gathering and prosecution removed some of the bias from the system).


Tony Martin's murder conviction was quashed on psychiatric grounds. He was suffering from a paranoid schizophrenic disorder and was suffering 'diminished responsibility' at the time he killed Fred Barras.

Lord Woolf, one of the appeal judges: "Martin used a firearm which he knew he was not entitled to have in a manner which was wholly unjustified. There can be no excuse for this, though we treat his responsibility as being reduced." A law-abiding, upstanding citizen, treated unfairly by the state? No, a lunatic with a pump-action shotgun.

Fuck Tony Martin's supporters. They're advocating murder of human beings (or rather, burglars, because in their eyes they're two separate things), not the care and treatment of the mentally ill, nor even greater rights for home owners. They're scum. That's my carefully balanced and cautiously given opinion.

Odd, isn't it, that the ones who scream the most about being law-abiding citizens are the ones who scream about changing the law to make it easier for them to do stuff?


No one remembers that guy, a few years ago, who spoke at a press conference about how he felt his life would never be the same again, after he wrestled a burglar on his lawn, and ended up stabbing him through the heart. He was let off, because he'd done it reasonably, and the law recognised this. Of course, you can't launch a tabloid media frenzy on a 'non-event' like that, can you?

Jerry Springer: The Opera

I was called out to the Dark Place on a mission of mercy, and had to record Jerry Springer.

And my video let me down.

I need to watch this thing, just to spite mediawatch-uk (aka the devilspawn of the evil Mary Whitehouse, may she rest in peace and shut the fuck up) and to get an opinion on the subject beyond my usual hatred of censorship and the moralistic Whitehouse bitch from hell.*

Does anyone have a recording of BBC2's broadcast last night, that I can borrow?


hmm, surely South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut had more swearing, if Springer's 8000 was determined by multiplying instances of swearing by the number of people singing in the chorus - a pathetically cheap trick by even the moral "majority's" standards. What about Uncle Fucka, with the entire nation of Canada singing:

Uncle
Fucka,
Uncle Fucka-Fucka-Fucka,
Uncle
Fucka,
Uncle Fucka-Fucka-Fucka,
Uncle Fucka,
That's U-N-C-L-E,
Fuck You,
UNCLE FUCKAAAAA!!!
*Suck my balls.* (Or however the song ended)

Hmm, yes, some prick of a church twat is taking out a private prosecution against the BBC for blasphemy. This was announced before they showed the performance, surprise surprise. (Although, to be fair, perhaps he'd previously gone and watched it in the West End, the cultured chap.) In all respect to the church and the Christianity it has wrongly claimed authority over, and bearing in mind I haven't yet seen Jerry Springer: The Opera, I despise anyone who tries to use the law against freedom of expression.

Okay, so people tend to make fun of Christianity a lot more than they do other religions. Hell, do you know why that is? Because western culture's reached that point where we don't kowtow to our dominant religion as much as we used to, and it's Christianity that stands up and tries to pass judgement on us most loudly on every social issue, and we're more knowledgeable about Christianity as a culture than we are about Islam, Judaism or whatever.

Plus there isn't a specific word that can be used to brand anyone criticising the religion (anti-semitism, islamophobia or whatever)...

Wow, starting to feel faint from hunger, pins and needles to the face, sweating. Going downstairs now, to eat lots of food, before I headbutt my keyboard...


*Sorry, an English Language degree, plus liberal tendencies, tends to get me riled about the dead harpy.

And another one, for the psycho stalker in my life (and I'm still drunk):

Who are you?
Your prey and confidant.

. Are we friends?
Hell yeah. My closest.

. When and how did we meet?
Now that's something that we both seem to have trouble with. I think it was one of Mish's parties, but we must have met at the talk given by that transexual RAF bomber pilot at UniQ.

. Do you have a crush on me?
Ah, well, if you were single...

. Would you kiss me?
Yes. Been there, done that, it was fun.

. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Psycho stalker woman. Because you're female and you're stalking me.

. Describe me in one word.
Cuddly.

. What was your first impression?
Ooh, cute friend of Mish's.

. Do you still think that way about me now?
Ooh, cute friend.

. What reminds you of me?
Asterisks.

. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
Happiness.

. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
Well, yeah. You remember the whole commitment thing?

. Are you going to put this on your journal?
Yeah, why not. I'm drunk.

. How have I affected you?
In the same ways that any close friendship affects anyone.

. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
You can probably guess this one...

. How long do you think we will be friends?
Forever, I like to think.

. Would you hug me?
I do, frequently.

. Physically, what stands out?
Your smile. You should do it more often.

. Emotionally, what stands out?
Your apparent vulnerability, and the sense of humour that goes with it.

. Do you wish I was cooler?
No. You're doing fine.

. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
9. There needs to be some space for Shania Twain and Ali Landry, right?

. Am I lovable?
Yes.

. What do you think my weakness is?
Low self esteem.

. Do you think I'll get married?
Maybe, but I know you're opposed to the idea at the moment.

. What makes me happy?
Security without external pressure.

. What makes me sad?
Stress that you don't feel you can cope with.

. Do you think I could kill someone?
Me, from time to time?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I died from suicide:
Grieve horrendously. And probably feel guilty.

» I said I liked you:
*hug*

» I kissed you:
Ask me in person, because the details aren't suitable for a public forum.

» I lived next door to you:
Learn to cook, so I could invite you over.

» I started smoking:
It's your choice.

» I stole something:
Look at you disapprovingly.

» I was hospitalised:
Stay at your bedside until such a point as you tell me to piss off. (Who's the stalker here, me or you?)

» I ran away from home:
Worry like hell. Try and contact you. Repeat until found.

» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
*comforting hug*


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
Sharp humour, occasionally overly pessimistic, perhaps.

» Eyes:
Bright.

» Face:
Beautiful, particularly the smile.

» Hair:
Stroky.

» Clothes:
Jeans and T-shirts.

» Mannerisms:
Smileys of various sorts.

» Family:
Never met 'em.

WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?:
Through no intention, we seem to have become so.

» Lie to make me feel better?:
No. It wouldn't be fair on you.

» Spread rumours about me?:
Some would say there are enough rumours, but we both know there can never be enough, right?

» Keep a secret if I told you one?:
Yes.

» Loan me some cash?:
How much?

» Hold my hand?:
Gladly.

» Take a bullet for me?:
Yeah, why not. There's nothing to lose. If I die, I'm dead, full stop. If you die, I have to live with it.

» Keep in touch?:
Always.

» Try and solve my problems?:
Don't I?

» Date me?:
Yes.

» Love me?:
This sort of thing can only be answered by time.

Grabbed off Mina Giry's Blurty (and bearing in mind that I'm drunk)

For Mina:

Who are you?
Archangel, Richard, whatever.

. Are we friends?
Yeah, I'd like to say so.

. When and how did we meet?
At the first Guild party. I kind of assumed you were a friend that Mandy had dragged along. Barely spoke to you, if I recall.

. Do you have a crush on me?
Ah, well, if you were straight...

. Would you kiss me?
Yes.

. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Er... damn. Lucrecia excepted, I really don't do nicknames, sorry.

. Describe me in one word.
Hotandwhyisshegaybecausethatisn'tfairMandyyou'realuckygirl. (Is this cheating?)

. What was your first impression?
Hmm, who's hotter, Mandy or Mandy's friend, what's her name, Danielle? (Bearing in mind at this point I didn't realise you were a couple. In fact, I almost subscribed to a surprisingly common theory, that you were sisters!)

. Do you still think that way about me now?
It's a question I'm perfectly willing to leave unanswered, or just fudge with a, "They both are." Ahem...

. What reminds you of me?
References to Mina Harker/Murray.

. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
Tough one. I don't think you'd object to Peta Wilson in a black goth-Victorian dress, right? I know I wouldn't.

. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
"Are you and Mandy sisters, or lesbian lovers?" It's not the kind of question you just come out with, is it?

. Are you going to put this on your journal?
No, never. It'd be too embarrassing... Oh shit.

. How have I affected you?
Hmm, hard to put a finger on it, but you're fun to be around. You've made me look again at issues like hunting and so on.

. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
Well, you kind of pulled up the 'Slut' dress and demonstrated how your stockings stay up at the Bobbin tonight.

. How long do you think we will be friends?
Until you leave Lancaster, cos I'm here for good.

. Do you love me?
No.

. Would you hug me?
Yes.

. Physically, what stands out?
Your overall figure, perhaps. If that's not specific enough, how about your hair?

. Emotionally, what stands out?
Very... strong-willed, maybe.

. Do you wish I was cooler?
No. You've got the style, dress sense and attitude to suit me.

. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
8-9ish?

. Am I lovable?
Yes.

. What do you think my weakness is?
Not sure I know you well enough to have determined that yet. (But when I do, I will be able to destroy you, mwuhahahaha! Ahem...)

. Do you think I'll get married?
Er, possibly, maybe. Tell you what, I'll push the boat out and suggest sometime this month?

. What makes me happy?
I dunno. Mandy?

. What makes me sad?
Lack of aforementioned?

. Do you think I could kill someone?
Hmm... I always answer this question with: Anyone could kill anyone else if the situation demanded it, they just like to think they couldn't. (Psychological studies have been done, but can't be repeated for ethical reasons, because they involved the subject 'torturing' and in some cases 'killing' an actor pretending to be another subject.)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I died from suicide:
Grieve.

» I said I liked you:
Well, I think you did tonight.

» I kissed you:
Er, reciprocate, because it's polite, right? Then I'd probably go red, mutter, "What about, you know, Mandy," and then pull away. Reluctantly.

» I lived next door to you:
Pop around occasionally, invite you over to watch DVDs.

» I started smoking:
But, you already do.

» I stole something:
Look at you disapprovingly.

» I was hospitalized:
Visit, and make sure you were fine after you were discharged.

» I ran away from home:
Give you a ring and try and find out why, before deciding whether to persuade you to come back or not.

» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
I'd probably carry on with whatever I was doing. After all, I'm not there, so I don't know it's happening.


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
Very talkative. Maybe this is just in comparison to your other half.

» Eyes:
Pretty.

» Face:
Ditto.

» Hair:
Fiery, but not in a psychotic way. More of a glamorous way.

» Clothes:
Floaty.

» Mannerisms:
Can't think. Emphatic, perhaps?

» Family:
Upper class(?) rural sorts, of those I've met.

WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?:
Definitely.

» Lie to make me feel better?:
Tough one. I dislike lying for any reason, but I also dislike hurting people.

» Spread rumors about me?:
Nope. Except the one where I suspected you of being a L-E-S-B-I-A-N.

» Keep a secret if I told you one?:
Sure.

» Loan me some cash?:
How much?

» Hold my hand?:
Sure.

» Take a bullet for me?:
Er... A knife, maybe. I don't know you well enough yet for a bullet, sorry.

» Keep in touch?:
Sure.

» Try and solve my problems?:
Gladly.

» Date me?:
Heh, yeah.

» Love me?:
Woah, one step at a time. We haven't even dated yet!


(Note to self: re-read when sober and determine which bits need editing...)