Games Domain don't have it. No mention of it on Valve Software's website. Or on Sierra Interactive's.

Sounds to me like my brother's been taken in by an old April Fool's joke and passed it on to me.

He denies that this is the case, but he found it on 'some message board somewhere'.

Anyone spending more than ten minutes on Portent will realise that some internet posters speak out of their arses to get attention.

Hmm, a bit of internet stalking has revealed that Deepgame Online News doesn't exist.

However, there is a Deep Game Dogs Forum.

Can't find anything anywhere about Half Life 2 being announced, and the email sounds too good to be true. I mean, weapons cleaning? The entire thing is a breakdown of everything that players wish could be in a first person shooter, but is impossible to implement.

Will inform you of any developments.

Tee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Ahem.

Excuse my hysterical girly giggling, but any gamers out there will understand when they read the following, emailed to me by my brother:

-----------------------------------------

At long last! The sequel to the best PC First Person Shooter of all time has been announced at a press conference with Valve in NY this afternoon.

Having been present at this meeting of developers and media, I got to witness the first running preview and in-game demo to leave the walls of Valve's Design Studios since development began way back when, after the release of Half-Life. And I must say, I was no less than awestruck!

At a glance, you could mistake this game for a DVD movie. The Half-Life 2 engine, built from the ground up, and boasting cinematic quality graphics at blistering frame rates, looks like it will easily topple Doom3's engine before ID even releases it!

The Dev team showed us a demo of a working alpha just to prove that the game's cinematic-style graphics were in-fact, being rendered real time. It was nothing short of amazing, especially considering that it was cutting 70fps in highest detail on a 1.7ghz processor and Geforce 4 Ti4200!

"We've tried to accommodate for the widest range of users possible. We felt that allowing gamers with lower end PCs to play with the highest settings would greatly increase the multiplayer potential and encourage the online community to really get behind Half-Life 2." commented Willam Sykes, source programmer.

As some people may also know, the tactical aspect of Half-Life 2 has been greatly increased over its predecessor. Weapons are now fully functional with gun jams, dirty barrels, overheating and weight. For example, in any in-game mission, one is expected to clear bullet casing jams, hold weapons steady (counteracting against weight) and perform maintenance tasks such as stripping, cleaning and polishing of weapons.

The Team are excited with the new tactical aspect which includes missions of the following varieties:


Radio operator missions where you take on the role of 'behind the main lines' support crew, skills in tuning radio frequencies and counter-acting for static will be essential in giving the fighting troops accurate bearings on targets


Co-ordinating scouting missions into unknown regions. Again, these require the player to stay at base with a radio and satellite uplink, communicating with fighting soldiers during battles.


Weapon Maintenance missions are completed before every main mission. In these preparation segments, players must ensure their firearms are fully functional and well kept. Failure to successfully maintain one's weapon reults in demotion and 'less action' in main missions.

Of course the above is only a TASTE of whats to come in the retail package. Expect a lot of the features that made HL1 so popular, like the adventure aspect and of course, slaughtering a LOT of ultra high resolution baddies! While I looked on at valve's demo, I thought it a shame that these baddies were ceasing to exist by Gordon's well-maintained firearm, as they were so extremely detailed it was a pleasure to watch them! The models were so realistic in-fact, that whilst watching the demo, I noticed the following:


All models have rising and falling chests/areas where lungs are used (this is helpful when you are unsure if enemies are dying, dead, sleeping or pretending!


All models are fully destructable in an unlimited number of ways. Say goodbye to shooting the whole head off an enemy. Depending where you hit it, the skull will fragment accordingly, and differently every time!


The sheer detail is ridiculous: actual hair/fur (not textures), sweat, dirt, cuts (can be made anywhere and of different severity Eg: a cut on the skin, right up to a limb coming off or an opening into the abdominal area etc)



Along with the overwhelming abundance of eye-candy, this game has quite a few never-before-tried features incorperated into the adventure.

Players may be at first shocked to find that Valve has taken the standard mouse look of FPS and added in a 'turn head' type feature. This feature allows the player to look around while keeping the body and weapon aimed in a particular direction, and is controlled by the mouse (as are the body movements). This system, for example, will allow the player to observe an environment around them whilst still keeping a weapon trained on the many prisoners that are taken during missions.

Keeping in line with the new weapon detail systems (cleaning, unjamming, maintaining etc) a sidebar will be added that will allow the player to access his weapon cleaning kit quickly by toggling and then using the mouse to grab and apply tools to clean the firearms. After battles, it is quite common to 'take 5' and make use of the weapon maintenance kit in a quiet corner. The most impressive feature of the weapon maintenance kit is that the player will take control of the tools with the mouse. For example, when cleaning the barrel of a firearm, the player must move the mouse back and forth to move the wad inside the barrel. Players must also take care not to spill cleaning solvents with the mouse when applying them. Move the mouse too fast and you'll waste some good fluid.

Our first look at Half-Life 2 was an exciting experience to say the least. The team here at Deepgame Online News are looking forward to the inevitable flow of screenshots and movies that will spill forth from Valve's Studios over the coming months, and will keep you up to date with all the latest developments as the title progresses.

Keep an eye out this Friday as we will be releasing the first screenshots of Half-Life 2 for all to marvel at.

---------------------------------------------------


Sounds almost too good to be true...

The Americans have blamed MI6 for the forged documents they used as proof of Iraq's WMDs.

Possibly true - there's a reason the phrase 'good old British incompetence' exists.

But would the British Government be so keen to get involved in an unnecessary war?

Was Blair really that desperate to eliminate Saddam's regime? It certainly wasn't like he needed a post-Falklands surge in popularity. He'd have been more popular if he'd opposed the war on humanitarian grounds?

Alternatively, is this another example of the Bush administration's 'Oops, we fucked up, but hang on, it was their fault' strategy?

According to Al-Jazeera, Bush has authorised US troops to use tear gas in Baghdad.

Even though this is for law enforcement reasons, the context still places Baghdad in a warzone, and so their application will be military.

Tear gas (like other riot agents) is a chemical weapon banned in warfare by the Geneva Convention and various other treaties.

Two days of non-stop sex

For some reason, I often get told that I really need to get laid. Personally, I don't know where this idea comes from. ;-)

I think I've just proven everyone right. For the past couple of months, I've been working on a short story called Nine Tenths, about a guy with a voice in his head. It's loosely based on my life back in the first year, but expanded on in a fictional sense.

Like the 'me' character losing his virginity in his first year. Lucky bastard.

I spent two days writing six pages of a short story detailing this pivotal moment in his life. Out of the 30 pages so far (10,000 words), six pages, or 2000 words, has been spent kissing, undressing, fondling, fingering, and fucking the girl of his dreams. What? I figured if it was pivotal, and relevant to the plot (which I think it is - how a person acts during sex, particularly the first time, has to be a good indicator of someone's personality, right?) there's nothing wrong with being detailed.

Or graphic.

Of course, although entirely fictional in its circumstances, much of it has happened to me at some point or another during my life (although not on my first time, in most cases - the details of that remain as private as the lady in question wants them to be, although a hell of a lot of people seem to know things about me that they shouldn't...*)

I figured I better check with the... um... sources of inspiration for this section of the story, whether they're bothered that I'm using my experiences with them as material. Can't see any problem really, but seeing as how this will be read by the Writers Guild eventually, and they're both members, it can't hurt to mention it.

Meant to talk to Number Two about it, but forgot when I had the chance. Talked to Number One, and she's fine with it. In fact she sounded interested.


Other News
Found out a friend just got with another friend recently. Which was a hell of a surprise. When it becomes public knowledge, you'll understand why.


*More likely Number Two than Number One, I suspect...

Blogger's playing up - I can't access my archives from the main blog page, although I can through the editing screen, while a few hours ago I got 'page not found' for the last two weeks of March.

Sooner I can sort out my Blurty page, I'm decamping there.

Blogger's really beginning to piss me off with its arsiness.

It has been pointed out to me that I implied that Michael Jackson was not evil in the previous post.

Nothing has ever been proven, remember.


I've just realised that although I deleted the 'pact with Satan' incident from before Christmas, it still exists in the archives, which are basically cached webpages that aren't updated as I edit.

Like Michael Jackson, only evil...

Playboy son Uday's life of luxury

By David Willis
BBC correspondent in Baghdad

Hundreds of custom-made weapons have been found at the house of Saddam Hussein's playboy son Uday, in Baghdad's sprawling presidential compound.

The haul included gold-plated Kalashnikov rifles and nickel-plated Belgian automatic rifles.

The cache is now being itemised by the US Army, and will eventually be turned over to a new Iraqi Government.

US marines have been wandering through the debris of his home, some showing off what they have found.

Items uncovered include bags of heroin and pictures of prostitutes downloaded from the internet, now strewn over the floor.


Wild living

Uday Hussein kept a picture of his father on the wall, it remains there now amidst the wrecked building.

Uday may have rivalled his father for brutality, but he was just as well known for his wild living and managed to earn himself a fearsome reputation.

Whilst most ordinary Iraqis bore the brunt of United Nations sanctions, it seems the first son was living it up on fine wines and Cuban cigars.

Major Kent Rideout from the US marines led his men through the complex.

He explained the type of things they had found in Uday's place.

"A lot of US liquor, a lot of French-made wines [and] Lladro porcelain from Spain and crystal," he explained.


Years of excess

At the rear of the complex, next to the harem, there were several of his possessions, understandably left untouched by the looters.

Uday's private zoo included wild animals such as cheetahs, and a very sad looking lion peering out at us from behind the wire fencing.

Several of Uday's prized stallions have, however, been hauled away by opportunistic looters.

Beneath it all lies a cavern of car parks, packed with classic and vintage vehicles.

Many are missing - jump-started and stolen before the US marines got here.

Some of those vehicles will soon be seen on the streets of Baghdad.

Driven away by looters, they will serve as a stark reminder of years of excess by the former first family.

The first casualty of war and all that.

Marine's 'miracle escape' rumbled

The story of a Royal Marine who cheated death thanks to his bullet-proof helmet has been revealed to be not quite as dramatic as it first seemed.

Three weeks ago it was reported that commando Eric Walderman escaped death by an inch after four bullets lodged in his helmet when he was fired on by Iraqi forces in the port of Umm Qsar.

But it has emerged the holes in the helmet were caused by Mr Walderman's fellow marines, part of the 40 Commando's Alpha Company, based at Taunton, Somerset.

They hit the helmet which was lying on top of a pack as they tried to detonate an unexploded anti-tank weapon.

Concern

Mr Walderman, from Fleetwood, Lancashire, then put back on his helmet and posed for photographers.

He gave no interviews but did not reveal the real story of the bullet holes.

The pictures were published around the world and caused grave concern among his family in Britain, especially his girlfriend Lindsey - a hotel receptionist in Blackpool.

At the time Mr Walderman's 'miraculous' survival was credited to his tough Kevlar helmet which are 25% to 40% more resistant to projectiles than their steel predecessors of equal weight.

I am Death


Which DISCWORLD character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm, I really must stop unleashing frustration onto a public blog.

Anyway, I emailed the Creative Writing department on Saturday, got a response today.

There are over 60 applications for the campus-based MA course alone, so they're still ploughing through them.

God-fucking-dammit!

Is it really too much to ask that someone, somewhere, finds me attractive?

Don't mind me, just going through one of those occasional down times. I find the best remedy for this kind of depression has to be suddenly getting a girlfriend.

Breaking News:

"We believe there are chemical weapons in Syria."

That was George W Bush.

Conspiracy's up for a couple of Baftas.

Bloody deserves them too. (Rummage back through the oldest archives for my take on it. I think it involved me temporarily siding with a Nazi regarding ethnic cleansing, ahem.)

http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com

A fansite dedicated to Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (currently on administrative leave), aka Comical Ali.

A few selected quotes from the man himself:

"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion."

"These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying"


From the comments page:

"Lovin' it - this gentleman has achieved bullshit that transcends bullshit and becomes a thing of wonder. As a lawyer I can only stand back and watch in awe.
-- Tim Cunion"