(Taken from williamgibsonbooks.com)

HEARD ON SKY NEWS

"Umm Qasr is a town similar to Southampton", UK Defence Minister Geoff Hoon told the House of Commons yesterday.

"He's either never been to Southampton, or he's never been to Umm Qasr", said one British soldier, informed of this while on patrol in Umm Qasr.

Another added: "There's no beer, no prostitutes, and people are shooting at us. It's more like Portsmouth."